Why do you have to put me through such torture?

I don't know how I feel about you anymore.
You make me smile and you make me cry.
I wish you weren't so nice to everybody,
So, I get the hint to slowly drift away,
from the feelings I have for you.
I remember one night,
where I was about to go to bed crying,
but with smallest words from you,
made me fall asleep with a smile on my face.
I wonder what goes through your minds at times.
Am I just some random girl that is grouped with the other ones?
Or am I something special?
If I knew,
I wouldn't be feeling this way.
I am not a desperate girl,
but I would be better off knowing the truth.
You obviously don't know what goes through my mind with I see you,
because if you did,
I know you wouldn't put me through such torture,
by finding out the answer myself.
I can never tell,
from how you act and treat everyone.
I wonder if the mixed feelings I have internally for you,
will ever disappear.
Can it disappear soon enough,
so I don't have to go through the torture any longer.
Seeing you makes my day,
but knowingly that infinite girls chase after you daily,
changes my perspective.
Feelings is something I can't help but feel,
I wish you weren't so nice,
So I know to back away from your life.
Atleast change how you treat each person or me,
so you don't lead people on in the wrong direction.
Which,
I am currently stuck in.
Let love take me where it goes,
hopefully i'll end up in heaven with you.