The end of first year.

Wow, time flies! I can't believe first year is almost over, after my exam tomorrow of course. First year wasn't as much of a roller coaster ride as I thought it would be simply because I just go to school for lectures then go home, I didn't do anything before or after besides going to the gym. So as you can tell, it's very boring and I have reasons for it. At first, I did not want to get close to anyone at my school for various reasons. First, I did not want to get close to anyone because I might be transferring school second year and it's a heartbreak to leave all your friends behind so, I do not want to have heartbreak so I distance myself from people in my school. I know it sounds silly and dumb but I am a person who finds it hard to deal with change. I don't know how to say Good-bye without being depressed for a long time. Second, I have made mistakes before with friends before and I am afraid to make the same mistake again so the safest way is to not make any friends so there is no chance of this happening at all. I am a complicated person and only a few people in my life understands me. Even those few people do not understand me fully, I even don't understand myself. I do wish I was more of a people person and more outgoing but whats holding me back is fear. Sounds hypocritical huh? because I say I live by the word "FEARLESS". Yes that is true but it doesnt come naturally, I am working on it, it takes a long process for me to open up to strangers. Well, why am I mentioning this now? Because my plan did not work out. I have made a few friends and met people in my program who I want to keep a connection with. If I do end up transferring, I do not know how I will deal with leaving the friends I have made throughout this year. Sure, I have them on facebook and can chat with them whenever but it will never be the same as seeing them in class. I will make friends in my new school but it will be another long process of getting to know them. Another thing is, I am liking what I am studying now, it is something different then what I expected and if I transfer, the courses are different. Life is confusing, I am confusing. Can someone please fix me? Many things are in my mind now, from summer school to moving out next year to choosing schools. I wasn't planning on taking summer school until I found out that it's only 6.5 weeks which won't take up my summer at all plus, I didn't take an elective last semester so I probably need a credit to make up for it. Moving out was something I thought of for fun but wasn't something I am serious about until this weekend. My family is getting on my nerves sometimes, especially my annoying sisters. I just want to have freedom and do things on my own without getting annoyed. I have talked to my friends about rooming together next year so if it all works out, I might be residing in Toronto! I still got four months to plan for next year so maybe I should focus on my studying instead of whats ahead. I wish life was as easy as ABC, unfortunately its not, so here comes my skills of problem solving...Not!

Study!Essays!Exams!

My title explains it all. Those are the stuff that is occupying my life right now. Very unfortunate, i know. But I am going to look at the bright side...in less then 2 weeks it will be summer for me! you don't even know how excited I am for the summer. I got so much planned, so much I want to do but still think there's so little time. Life is going by quick, if I don't take the chances now that I am young, I will never achieve anything or be successful. I do have three jobs in mind, which is putting me in a lot of stress because I don't know how I am going to handle all three. Well, two for now but I am applying at one of my favourite clothing store this weekend so if I get that job, I am screwed... No, working is not the only thing I will be doing this summer. My goal is to upgrade myself in as many way as I can. There's is just so much to do and so little time. Take advantage now because in the end, you will regret it and no matter how hard I try, there will be regret that I did not try hard enough. My goal is to reduce that by being active in the community and doing what I love. I have exams this week and the following week, so it's very stressful. Wish me luck in passing everything :)!

Until next time!