The end of first year.

Wow, time flies! I can't believe first year is almost over, after my exam tomorrow of course. First year wasn't as much of a roller coaster ride as I thought it would be simply because I just go to school for lectures then go home, I didn't do anything before or after besides going to the gym. So as you can tell, it's very boring and I have reasons for it. At first, I did not want to get close to anyone at my school for various reasons. First, I did not want to get close to anyone because I might be transferring school second year and it's a heartbreak to leave all your friends behind so, I do not want to have heartbreak so I distance myself from people in my school. I know it sounds silly and dumb but I am a person who finds it hard to deal with change. I don't know how to say Good-bye without being depressed for a long time. Second, I have made mistakes before with friends before and I am afraid to make the same mistake again so the safest way is to not make any friends so there is no chance of this happening at all. I am a complicated person and only a few people in my life understands me. Even those few people do not understand me fully, I even don't understand myself. I do wish I was more of a people person and more outgoing but whats holding me back is fear. Sounds hypocritical huh? because I say I live by the word "FEARLESS". Yes that is true but it doesnt come naturally, I am working on it, it takes a long process for me to open up to strangers. Well, why am I mentioning this now? Because my plan did not work out. I have made a few friends and met people in my program who I want to keep a connection with. If I do end up transferring, I do not know how I will deal with leaving the friends I have made throughout this year. Sure, I have them on facebook and can chat with them whenever but it will never be the same as seeing them in class. I will make friends in my new school but it will be another long process of getting to know them. Another thing is, I am liking what I am studying now, it is something different then what I expected and if I transfer, the courses are different. Life is confusing, I am confusing. Can someone please fix me? Many things are in my mind now, from summer school to moving out next year to choosing schools. I wasn't planning on taking summer school until I found out that it's only 6.5 weeks which won't take up my summer at all plus, I didn't take an elective last semester so I probably need a credit to make up for it. Moving out was something I thought of for fun but wasn't something I am serious about until this weekend. My family is getting on my nerves sometimes, especially my annoying sisters. I just want to have freedom and do things on my own without getting annoyed. I have talked to my friends about rooming together next year so if it all works out, I might be residing in Toronto! I still got four months to plan for next year so maybe I should focus on my studying instead of whats ahead. I wish life was as easy as ABC, unfortunately its not, so here comes my skills of problem solving...Not!